Friday, April 27, 2012

Yin and Yang

I often heard people refer to the "Yin and Yang" of a situation....or what comes up must come down. I've never really been a big believer that if something good happens it is bound that something bad is soon to follow. For the past several years, my life has been more of the snowball effect -- where one thing after another, after another occurs. However, things recently changed and I'm experiencing the Yin & Yang effect.

I'm one to shy away and shut down when things go awry and my life since last September was progressively going on a downward spiral (which also explains my reason for the lack of blog posts). For a person who takes pride for accomplishing a lot, I had to look in the mirror and admit I was failing and even though I was trying, I had absolutely no control. I swallowed my pride, accepted help from loved ones and made calls I dreaded. Needless to say, I cried more than I want to admit.

It was humbling to say the least. I see things differently than I did 4 years, 3 years and even 1 year ago. I've learned what's important, what I'm truly grateful for, and have observed the behavior of people who became uncomfortable with how my life changed and just avoided me because they couldn't or didn't know what to say or do around me.

May 2nd would mark the 4 year anniversary of being unemployed, but recently things have changed. In a 2 week span, I had an interview which was more like an exchange of ideas, was offered a position, and then helped pull together the details of my mother's funeral.

She died quietly after suffering for years from Alzheimer's and had long forgotten who I was. I think she knew she was not enjoying life in a wheelchair and had decided to stop eating and talking for several days before passing. She would have needed a feeding tube and I'm glad my father never had to witness it. For me, my mother's passing was a blessing. I know her quality of life was not one she would have wanted (or anyone would), and am thankful it didn't get worse.

It's amazing how quickly my life has changed. One thing I know for sure is this: If someone told me I could have the lifestyle I had in 2008 without my husband or go through all the shit I did for the past 4 years and have my husband by my side,I choose my husband hands down. He's always been by side to support me, to prop me up while down, but it was during the week of my mother's funeral where this became obvious. While pulling out my hair with my dad and all the funeral details,he quietly comforted me by being there to handle my dad when I couldn't, and doing whatever I needed even when I couldn't form a simple sentence because there were so many details to attend to. He did what I asked, but more importantly he knew to do things for me even when I didn't know I needed the help.

I start work on Monday. Am I happy? Ummm....Yes. I have to admit, with all the events that happened this month, I am not stressed about starting a new job, but instead I feel very calm. Maybe it is because I felt the highs and lows of emotions in the same period of definition of the Yin and Yang of a situation.