Over the past several months, I've been struggling with just being "ordinary". I lead a fairly quiet life, haven't accomplished anything that put others in awe of me or discovered the cure for any horrible disease. However, wherever I turn, I'm bombarded with stories of people who've done something fantastic with their lives.
The more I read about extraordinary people the more I began to question what I was doing with my life. How often have I heard the statement "if you follow your dreams, you'll be successful" and am left thinking is there something wrong with me because I have no dream that drives me to put everything else on the sidelines. To wonder why I don't have that kind of tunnel vision and be focused or driven. Often, I'm left being annoyed with magazines that only profile these people. Once I'd like to see an article about the 'average' person.
While I admire people who do reach their goals, I've come to the realization that there are more people in the world who lead fairly quiet lives and can be happy with their surroundings and I'm one of those everyday people.
I enjoy quiet moments with my husband, love going to bed on freshly clean and ironed sheets, am thrilled when the refrigerator is clean and am thrilled when I finish a project to the best of my ability.
I have many dreams, but will I ever be one of those over-the-top super special people whom articles are written about? Probably not. But, I've finally come to the place where I can read about these people, appreciate their accomplishments and also know I do small but powerful things that make my life just a little bit better..
Friday, October 5, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Another Reason Why I Should Think Twice About Asking For My Husband's Opinion
Note: I will remember one day to update my profile from unemployed to employed. End of Reminder
Now that I'm back at work for several months, I've been discussing with my husband the household projects that we need to tackle. Because we don't have a family room, our living room doubles as a living room for company, and the place where my husband plants his butt on a nightly basis to watch t.v. (he manages to find the most obscure crap on t.v.). My living room needs some sprucing up and is in desperate need for a new couch.
My couch is 10+ years, but because of its extended use by my hubby, it's more like 30 years old. I told him it was time that we updated the living room with at least a fresh coat of paint and a new couch (eventually, we'll address the hardwood floors that are beaten up and the fireplace). We (which really means my husband) will be painting the room, but after our conversation about the couch, I will be selecting the new couch alone.
Often when I shop for anything for too long, every option I see begins to look the same. It is inevitable that paint colors and fabric swatches begin to blend into one color or one pattern. I wanted to avoid this when selecting a couch and thought if I had my husband come with me, it would make the selection process a breeze. However, reality set in after I mentioned him coming with me to shop for a couch.
I really thought he'd feel thrilled to be included in the process, but I think I was mistaken....or hope I was after our conversation.
When I asked him to come with me, he suggested that we bring the outdoors inside. I don't know what I was thinking, but fell for it. I thought he was going to have a great creative suggestion, but got these 2 suggestions instead:
- why not have a greenish couch with a pattern of wetlands imprinted into the fabric with marshes and ducks; or
- why not have a greenish/brown couch with the forest imprinted into the fabric with deer and other woodland creatures represented.
Take aside my opinion that I think this is just plain ugly, but imagine going to sit down and your butt lands on the face of a raccoon? Eventually, there's no way you wouldn't have a dream that a raccoon is chasing you trying to bite your ass.
Needless to say, I will be on this search alone. I felt out a friend to see if she wanted to come with me, but no luck. I just hope I find this couch quickly.
Now that I'm back at work for several months, I've been discussing with my husband the household projects that we need to tackle. Because we don't have a family room, our living room doubles as a living room for company, and the place where my husband plants his butt on a nightly basis to watch t.v. (he manages to find the most obscure crap on t.v.). My living room needs some sprucing up and is in desperate need for a new couch.
My couch is 10+ years, but because of its extended use by my hubby, it's more like 30 years old. I told him it was time that we updated the living room with at least a fresh coat of paint and a new couch (eventually, we'll address the hardwood floors that are beaten up and the fireplace). We (which really means my husband) will be painting the room, but after our conversation about the couch, I will be selecting the new couch alone.
Often when I shop for anything for too long, every option I see begins to look the same. It is inevitable that paint colors and fabric swatches begin to blend into one color or one pattern. I wanted to avoid this when selecting a couch and thought if I had my husband come with me, it would make the selection process a breeze. However, reality set in after I mentioned him coming with me to shop for a couch.
I really thought he'd feel thrilled to be included in the process, but I think I was mistaken....or hope I was after our conversation.
When I asked him to come with me, he suggested that we bring the outdoors inside. I don't know what I was thinking, but fell for it. I thought he was going to have a great creative suggestion, but got these 2 suggestions instead:
- why not have a greenish couch with a pattern of wetlands imprinted into the fabric with marshes and ducks; or
- why not have a greenish/brown couch with the forest imprinted into the fabric with deer and other woodland creatures represented.
Take aside my opinion that I think this is just plain ugly, but imagine going to sit down and your butt lands on the face of a raccoon? Eventually, there's no way you wouldn't have a dream that a raccoon is chasing you trying to bite your ass.
Needless to say, I will be on this search alone. I felt out a friend to see if she wanted to come with me, but no luck. I just hope I find this couch quickly.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Untitled - Yet Personal.....
I've been working for several months and still struggle with insomnia. I admit, it's not as often as it was when unemployed, but still, it happens.
Last week I went to dinner with a friend, came home and could not fall asleep. I was a bit anxious and couldn't figure out why. As I was thumbing through the t.v. stations I came upon a documentary on HBO: "Hard Times: Lost on Long Island."*
It followed several people who were hit by the Great Recession. They showed candid conversations with people who were unable to pay bills, feared being evicted, talked about how their friends disappeared because they couldn't handle them being unemployed and other issues that come up when there is no money.
It hit a note. I experienced most everything they went through, but didn't know how to really express myself because I was either frustrated or ashamed because I couldn't find a job and couldn't explain why.
Since getting a job, I realize I relate to why my parents (depression kids -- even though I'm a Gen-X kid) thought cash was king, hid money in a coffee can in the refrigerator and liked having extra money in their checking account.
After watching the documentary, I pinned down why I can't sleep some nights. It's fear. The fear of never feeling financially safe. Realizing that bad things happen to good people and this could happen again. The best I can do is take the right steps towards financial freedom and renew my daily meditation practice to help feel calm.
*As part of taking steps towards financial freedom, I worked with my cable provider to lower my bill to match another offer in the area and, in addition, to lowering my bill, I got HBO free for several months.
Last week I went to dinner with a friend, came home and could not fall asleep. I was a bit anxious and couldn't figure out why. As I was thumbing through the t.v. stations I came upon a documentary on HBO: "Hard Times: Lost on Long Island."*
It followed several people who were hit by the Great Recession. They showed candid conversations with people who were unable to pay bills, feared being evicted, talked about how their friends disappeared because they couldn't handle them being unemployed and other issues that come up when there is no money.
It hit a note. I experienced most everything they went through, but didn't know how to really express myself because I was either frustrated or ashamed because I couldn't find a job and couldn't explain why.
Since getting a job, I realize I relate to why my parents (depression kids -- even though I'm a Gen-X kid) thought cash was king, hid money in a coffee can in the refrigerator and liked having extra money in their checking account.
After watching the documentary, I pinned down why I can't sleep some nights. It's fear. The fear of never feeling financially safe. Realizing that bad things happen to good people and this could happen again. The best I can do is take the right steps towards financial freedom and renew my daily meditation practice to help feel calm.
*As part of taking steps towards financial freedom, I worked with my cable provider to lower my bill to match another offer in the area and, in addition, to lowering my bill, I got HBO free for several months.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I Wonder How Old I'll Be Before I'm No Longer Amazed By What People Do.......
The other night as I was in the waiting room for a focus group I was participating in, I was totally shocked by the actions of this woman in the room.
Just imagine you're sitting in a room with complete strangers. It's totally silent. People are thumbing through magazines and then BLAM 'No Boundaries Lady' enters the room.
This woman is talking loudly on her cell phone not noticing 12 other people are in the room sitting in absolute silence. I've seen where people enter a room while talking, but quickly finish up their conversation. But not this lady. In fact, she got louder and would often pull the phone away to look at a text message she received as she was talking.
It wasn't that she was talking on a cell phone in a room where no else was talking, it is the conversation she was having that made several of us look up at one another in complete shock.
She was talking about someone's child she knew that had just drowned in a pool. Totally oblivious to how loud and how personal she was getting. It was somewhat disturbing to be in the middle of such a conversation. She was clearly upset which led to my ultimate thought/observation: Why are you even here?
Just imagine you're sitting in a room with complete strangers. It's totally silent. People are thumbing through magazines and then BLAM 'No Boundaries Lady' enters the room.
This woman is talking loudly on her cell phone not noticing 12 other people are in the room sitting in absolute silence. I've seen where people enter a room while talking, but quickly finish up their conversation. But not this lady. In fact, she got louder and would often pull the phone away to look at a text message she received as she was talking.
It wasn't that she was talking on a cell phone in a room where no else was talking, it is the conversation she was having that made several of us look up at one another in complete shock.
She was talking about someone's child she knew that had just drowned in a pool. Totally oblivious to how loud and how personal she was getting. It was somewhat disturbing to be in the middle of such a conversation. She was clearly upset which led to my ultimate thought/observation: Why are you even here?
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Living in My Own Episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive..or Why I know I'll Never Own 43 Cats.......
Here in the U.S., we are slammed with every conceivable t.v. show imaginable. There are shows based upon families with multiple children, others about brides who are bat-shit crazy and truckers who drive long distances on ice in the dead of winter to deliver their shipments. I know I blogged in the past about a show entitled Hoarders and how watching it made me want to clean my house (I later made the connection that the people they profiled typically had multiple cats which are always found dead under stacks of rubble and realize if you own more than 40 cats you'll more than likely end up on the show).
While Hoarders is a show that amazes me (they usually cart away 8 tons of garbage in just 2 days) I've decided there has to be at least 400+ people for every house they profile to ensure it's clean in 48 hours.
Wait... I'm getting distracted. I want to tell you why I feel as though I'm one of the people profiled on Hoarders: Buried Alive (okay, not really because I don't own 43 cats, but I do have a room that is jammed packed).
When I found out I got a job in April and could work out of the house, I asked my husband to make a multi-shelf bookcase. It's July 1st and my dining room is still crammed packed, BUT the bookcase is finally painted. It's not completely dry and the room is covered with drop cloths (which my husband has promised will be put away tonight along with his painting implements and other stuff before I start work tomorrow), but I'm just thrilled it's finally painted.
I admit I'm a bit to blame, but I think his confidence in how long it would take was exceedingly high. I think he was under the impression it would take a day to cut the wood - a couple of hours to put together and a couple of hours to paint the case -- ummmm...NO! My husband is very handy, but I think he may have been watching too many home improvement shows where every home project is completed under 30 minutes.
I have to wait for the shelves to dry before putting things in its place and with the humidity as high as it is in CT, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to double the normal waiting time before putting the office back together. I'm just hoping things are back in place before the end of the month because I'm starting to lose my mind.
With everything in the room I have to walk through to get to every room in the house, I've noticed how living in clutter, over a really long time, depresses the hell out of me. I can now see how most of the people they profile on the show feel defeated and don't know where to start. I have gone through everything and although the clutter is organized, I still have to maneuver through the room to pass through.
I'm just thankful I don't own 43 cats because I know I may not see them in between the stacks of books and office supplies on and under the table....And as my husband just said: "You don't want to find a flat cat".
While Hoarders is a show that amazes me (they usually cart away 8 tons of garbage in just 2 days) I've decided there has to be at least 400+ people for every house they profile to ensure it's clean in 48 hours.
Wait... I'm getting distracted. I want to tell you why I feel as though I'm one of the people profiled on Hoarders: Buried Alive (okay, not really because I don't own 43 cats, but I do have a room that is jammed packed).
When I found out I got a job in April and could work out of the house, I asked my husband to make a multi-shelf bookcase. It's July 1st and my dining room is still crammed packed, BUT the bookcase is finally painted. It's not completely dry and the room is covered with drop cloths (which my husband has promised will be put away tonight along with his painting implements and other stuff before I start work tomorrow), but I'm just thrilled it's finally painted.
I admit I'm a bit to blame, but I think his confidence in how long it would take was exceedingly high. I think he was under the impression it would take a day to cut the wood - a couple of hours to put together and a couple of hours to paint the case -- ummmm...NO! My husband is very handy, but I think he may have been watching too many home improvement shows where every home project is completed under 30 minutes.
I have to wait for the shelves to dry before putting things in its place and with the humidity as high as it is in CT, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to double the normal waiting time before putting the office back together. I'm just hoping things are back in place before the end of the month because I'm starting to lose my mind.
With everything in the room I have to walk through to get to every room in the house, I've noticed how living in clutter, over a really long time, depresses the hell out of me. I can now see how most of the people they profile on the show feel defeated and don't know where to start. I have gone through everything and although the clutter is organized, I still have to maneuver through the room to pass through.
I'm just thankful I don't own 43 cats because I know I may not see them in between the stacks of books and office supplies on and under the table....And as my husband just said: "You don't want to find a flat cat".
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Curiosity Gets the Cat.....
In this scenario, I'm the cat.....
Let me explain. A couple weeks ago, I was staying at my sister's house. I didn't bring my laptop and wanted to check my email so I used hers. My husband sent me a document to read and as I was downloading the document I noticed there was one entitled "dating.xls".
My sister is single and her love of excel made me naturally think it was hers. Never did it enter my head that this document, housed in the download documents, belonged to anyone other than her. Curiosity got the best of me. I mean, why, or better yet, what would one capture in a dating excel spreadsheet.
Well....I was in for a surprise. I opened it up to discover pictures of women. I was saddened that she didn't feel comfortable telling me she was gay. I immediately talked with my husband and realized she would tell me when she was ready and it wasn't my place to bring it up. [Note: I didn't really realize this. He told me to shut my pie hole and when she was ready to tell me she would. I secretly hoped this was sooner than later]. However, I was totally disgusted because the women in the spreadsheet were half her age and the comments were pretty superficial. More about what the girl looked like than the conversation she had with her.
I was dumbfounded. I'm incredibly close with my sister and couldn't believe she was trolling for young women and how shallow she was. Seriously, I thought to myself, what a shallow, dirty letch. Didn't she know the rule about the lowest appropriate dating age? 1/2 your age + 7.
Luckily for me, I only had to hold my tongue for 1 day. The next morning we were talking about the speed of her computer and it came up that she couldn't believe she still had the dating spreadsheet on her computer [Background: A week or so before my mother died, my sister had told me the story she read on the Internet about this guy who tracked his dates on a spreadsheet and downloaded it so she could send it to me. She knew how much I love to goof on her about putting almost every piece of data in an excel spreadsheet. Well, we got distracted with life events and she never sent to me.]
I confessed to downloading the spreadsheet, and then, confessed my thoughts. I told her how I couldn't believe she'd think it okay to be such a letch just because she jumped the fence. She laughed at me.
I guess that's what I get for being curious. I'm glad I only had to wait 24 hours to learn my sister wasn't a creepy, shallow being.
Let me explain. A couple weeks ago, I was staying at my sister's house. I didn't bring my laptop and wanted to check my email so I used hers. My husband sent me a document to read and as I was downloading the document I noticed there was one entitled "dating.xls".
My sister is single and her love of excel made me naturally think it was hers. Never did it enter my head that this document, housed in the download documents, belonged to anyone other than her. Curiosity got the best of me. I mean, why, or better yet, what would one capture in a dating excel spreadsheet.
Well....I was in for a surprise. I opened it up to discover pictures of women. I was saddened that she didn't feel comfortable telling me she was gay. I immediately talked with my husband and realized she would tell me when she was ready and it wasn't my place to bring it up. [Note: I didn't really realize this. He told me to shut my pie hole and when she was ready to tell me she would. I secretly hoped this was sooner than later]. However, I was totally disgusted because the women in the spreadsheet were half her age and the comments were pretty superficial. More about what the girl looked like than the conversation she had with her.
I was dumbfounded. I'm incredibly close with my sister and couldn't believe she was trolling for young women and how shallow she was. Seriously, I thought to myself, what a shallow, dirty letch. Didn't she know the rule about the lowest appropriate dating age? 1/2 your age + 7.
Luckily for me, I only had to hold my tongue for 1 day. The next morning we were talking about the speed of her computer and it came up that she couldn't believe she still had the dating spreadsheet on her computer [Background: A week or so before my mother died, my sister had told me the story she read on the Internet about this guy who tracked his dates on a spreadsheet and downloaded it so she could send it to me. She knew how much I love to goof on her about putting almost every piece of data in an excel spreadsheet. Well, we got distracted with life events and she never sent to me.]
I confessed to downloading the spreadsheet, and then, confessed my thoughts. I told her how I couldn't believe she'd think it okay to be such a letch just because she jumped the fence. She laughed at me.
I guess that's what I get for being curious. I'm glad I only had to wait 24 hours to learn my sister wasn't a creepy, shallow being.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Phew.......
I'm starting my 4th week in my new job and you know what....after 4 years of being unemployed, it felt as though nothing has changed. Although, my attitude has.
For the past 3 weeks, I've been asked: "How do you like the new job?" Ummmm.. I'm thankful for the position and appreciate that I have a job. However, I've learned some key things about me I've carried into this job and here they are:
1. I work to live, not live to work. I know people who live to work and am thankful there are people on the earth who are wired this way, but it's not me.
2. I don't necessarily believe that everyone has to follow their passion as their career. I LOVE cooking, food, eating food, farmer's markets. BUT, do I want to work long hours as a chef? Nope. I'll just keep having my monthly dinner parties instead. For me, I am thankful I have identified my passion and will always have it to relieve stress.
Okay...the rest are observations....
3. My home office is located in NJ...exactly 4 miles from my last employer's home office (yes, I do find this weird). For the 1st 2 weeks I traveled to NJ (luckily, my boss has no issue with me working remotely), but as I was driving the 94 miles to the office, I discovered NJ has a State car -- the BMW SUV. I swear BMW must have secretly left their SUV in the driveways of NJ residents. As I was driving down the highway, there was one in every lane of the 3 lane highway. The runner-up car was Lexus - any make and model.
4. I'm 46, but am still amazed at the stupid things that come out of people's mouths. Day 1, someone was helping me get my badge. They actually said something like this to me: "You know, I'm only taking you around because I was told to". Really? I knew you weren't doing this out of the kindness of your heart, but sometimes, just sometimes, you need to not share your inner voice. I now know how a deer feels when it comes face-to-face with the bright headlights of a car at night. I believe I said: "Thank you, I appreciate it".
5. I think the IT people either hate me or expect an invitation to my house at Thanksgiving. I believe I've called them more than I've talked with my boss. Yes. I'm tech retarded. But, if it weren't for employees like me, these people wouldn't have a job. So....maybe, they really do love me deep down.
6. There is no such thing as the magic cleaning fairy. If she exists, she doesn't come to my house and am pissed. I guess I forgot I no longer have that extra 9 hours a day to clean one or two rooms. If you're wondering why it takes me 9 hours to clean one or two rooms, well, let me tell you why -- when I clean I have a secret cleaning tool and it's called PRO-CRAS-TI-NATION. Don't mistake it with a feather duster or vacuum, it resembles a couch, a t.v., a computer or book. None of which help me empty a dishwasher.
7. Last, but not least, I love working from home. I'm more focused and can wear yoga pants and slippers to work.
Those are my observations about starting work again -- my other non-work observation is that I watched Celebrity Apprentice this season. Having never watched the season of American Idol Clay Aiken was on, I had never heard him sing. Oh. My. God. Does he have an amazing voice. I was shocked in a very pleasant way.
For the past 3 weeks, I've been asked: "How do you like the new job?" Ummmm.. I'm thankful for the position and appreciate that I have a job. However, I've learned some key things about me I've carried into this job and here they are:
1. I work to live, not live to work. I know people who live to work and am thankful there are people on the earth who are wired this way, but it's not me.
2. I don't necessarily believe that everyone has to follow their passion as their career. I LOVE cooking, food, eating food, farmer's markets. BUT, do I want to work long hours as a chef? Nope. I'll just keep having my monthly dinner parties instead. For me, I am thankful I have identified my passion and will always have it to relieve stress.
Okay...the rest are observations....
3. My home office is located in NJ...exactly 4 miles from my last employer's home office (yes, I do find this weird). For the 1st 2 weeks I traveled to NJ (luckily, my boss has no issue with me working remotely), but as I was driving the 94 miles to the office, I discovered NJ has a State car -- the BMW SUV. I swear BMW must have secretly left their SUV in the driveways of NJ residents. As I was driving down the highway, there was one in every lane of the 3 lane highway. The runner-up car was Lexus - any make and model.
4. I'm 46, but am still amazed at the stupid things that come out of people's mouths. Day 1, someone was helping me get my badge. They actually said something like this to me: "You know, I'm only taking you around because I was told to". Really? I knew you weren't doing this out of the kindness of your heart, but sometimes, just sometimes, you need to not share your inner voice. I now know how a deer feels when it comes face-to-face with the bright headlights of a car at night. I believe I said: "Thank you, I appreciate it".
5. I think the IT people either hate me or expect an invitation to my house at Thanksgiving. I believe I've called them more than I've talked with my boss. Yes. I'm tech retarded. But, if it weren't for employees like me, these people wouldn't have a job. So....maybe, they really do love me deep down.
6. There is no such thing as the magic cleaning fairy. If she exists, she doesn't come to my house and am pissed. I guess I forgot I no longer have that extra 9 hours a day to clean one or two rooms. If you're wondering why it takes me 9 hours to clean one or two rooms, well, let me tell you why -- when I clean I have a secret cleaning tool and it's called PRO-CRAS-TI-NATION. Don't mistake it with a feather duster or vacuum, it resembles a couch, a t.v., a computer or book. None of which help me empty a dishwasher.
7. Last, but not least, I love working from home. I'm more focused and can wear yoga pants and slippers to work.
Those are my observations about starting work again -- my other non-work observation is that I watched Celebrity Apprentice this season. Having never watched the season of American Idol Clay Aiken was on, I had never heard him sing. Oh. My. God. Does he have an amazing voice. I was shocked in a very pleasant way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)