My Own Personal Groundhog Day

Monday, July 14, 2009....

In May 2008, I was laid off from my employer. During the first month, I interviewed with a particular company and received a summons for jury duty (I didn't have to serve).

Fast forward one year and I find I am still unemployed, but the weirdest thing happened. I had a repeat of last year.

I applied for and recently interviewed at that first company and received another summons for jury duty.

In fact, I interviewed again with 2 out of the same 3 people. How odd is that? The recruiter hadn't a clue about this because it was a different recruiter from last year. I think she was a bit surprised when I mentioned this to her because they hadn't said a word to her.

I have to admit, there was a part of me that hoped they didn't remember interviewing me (it could be because they didn't hire me last year - not enough industry experience), but a part that had hoped they remembered me because it means I would have left some impression on them. Turns out, they remembered.

Summons for jury duty canceled again.

These 2 instances left me wondering if my life was going to mimic the movie Groundhog Day. Was I going to live the same year over and over again? If so, what is my lesson? What is my a-ha moment that has me moving into a new year, new future?

I'm glad I'm not in the same mental place I was last year. Sure, I was wish I was financially in the same place last year, but I've learned a lot that I don't think I would have learned if employed full-time.

I'm a girl that hasn't figured out the concept of balance and have a tendency to ignore one part of my life. When I was working, I had a reason to ignore my personal life. It was just easier than having to take the time to figure out what I needed to be happy.

I've always known I'm not perfect (I'm close - NOT), but in the past, I never wanted to forgive my flaws or even acknowledge they are part of who I am. Now I do. I recognize the good, bad and ugly make up me.

I'm still learning patience, but have learned that before you feel the need to offer unsolicited advice to others, look at oneself first (translation, I think most everyone need to learn their own lessons). I'm not as impatient as I was 12 months ago, but consider this a work in progress.

I haven't a clue what the future holds for me, but until I become gainfully employed, I will use this gift of time to listen to all the things I've tried to ignore because I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. I'll probably become frustrated, stumble, fall and may even be successful. But, whatever happens, I know that I'm finally looking in a mirror not just glancing at me.

Dreams

Wednesday, December 17, 2008....

Did you ever have one of those dreams where it was so real it woke you up? It's frustrating. I usually end up mad at the person because they've done something to upset me or I can't explain my position. Today was the latter.

Recently, my friend's husband, he's also my friend, lost his job. My gf told me that I was no longer allowed to speak to him as she thought I was a bad influence. I didn't understand what she meant by her comment until she explained that I was out-of-work far too long and should be gainfully employed.

I tried explaining our positions were like comparing apples and oranges. Yes, both were fruit, but that is where the similarities ended.

I have two major strikes against me: 1) the type of job I do is very specialized (although I've stretched the skills to fit in many other positions); and 2) the openings I do find are 1/2 way across the country and I'm not relocating.

At first, I couldn't figure out why I had this dream and now I have. Although I've been diligent about my search, it's still 7 months that I've been unemployed. I think I'm just as baffled by it as others. One consolidation is knowing there is a two to three month lag before hearing back on an opportunity I've applied for (I know this because I track dates and such on an excel spreadsheet - yes, I can be a bit anal).

In real-life there is an individual, not my gf in the dream, who has made rude and painful comments to me regarding my situation. Listening to them has underminded my confidence and the dream helped me realize this. The dream helped me realize that her comments are just chatter.

Unemployment

Wednesday, November 5, 2008....

It's been 26 weeks and I just had to file for emergency benefits. Can I just comment how much that sucks!

If I chose to be unemployed that would be one thing, but I didn't. First, it was the summer and postings were scarce due to summer vacations and then the market crashing.

I interviewed for positions that have now been placed on hold. I've applied for positions that my skillset could be transferred, but companies don't have to settle anymore so I doubt they'll call. I've even applied for far reaching positions that I'm not qualified for, but thought what the heck.

I was talking with a friend the other day, who is also unemployed, and although I wish he wasn't, it is nice to talk with someone that understands what you're going through. I never imagined I'd be out for this long and never thought I'd be in the mindset to jump on the first offer that will come my way. Unemployment can be paralyzing. I try to remind myself that the time I have can be treated as a gift, but some mornings I don't see it that way.

Many of the positions I'm applying for I don't want. I have an interview with a company tomorrow that I'm not thrilled about. The company was a client of mine so I know how they operate and the position would require a daily commute of 80 miles one-way. I've been there and done that.

I am torn because there is a part of me that hopes to get the job and part of me that prays something better comes along.

ughhhh....