Storm Sandy... The Aftermath

Anyone who lives on the East Coast knows that Storm Sandy had a devastating impact on New Jersey, NYC and parts of Connecticut.

While power was lost for days, if not weeks, many lost their homes from floods and my dad is one of those people.

For a man who lost his wife of 65 years this past April and his home of 57 years in October, he's pretty resilient, but I think it's the ones around him that are feeling the effects of Storm Sandy.

From the day of the Storm, life has been more than chaos for me and some of my siblings. He lived with one sister for 2 weeks before I moved him into temporary housing at a local hotel for another month until a new home was found for him. He's 90 and we were looking for an independent living facility and my sister did an amazing job researching the various places in our area. While I only toured one of the places (the one he didn't choose) I must admit, it's great to see how people are creating places where the elderly can live in a place they can call home and not feel as though they were just transplanted someplace where babysitting is 24 hours/day.

My sister and I helped move him into his place on Sunday and while there are tons of boxes still left to unpack, let me tell you what it took to get him someplace safe. The list includes:

- moving furniture to the 2nd floor prior to the storm
- negotiating with hotels in the area to find the best rate
- meeting with his homeowner's insurance carrier to get some money for wind damage and rain damage
- meeting with FEMA only to get some money for additional living expenses, but being denied because he collected last year and FEMA informed him he needed to get flood insurance
- meeting with plumbers to drain his pipes and winterize the house
- meeting with contractors to gut the house because as much as you try to explain it, a 90 year old man does not get that opening windows would really have paid off. So, instead of having to gut the first floor of a house, you now have to gut 2 floors because the walls were wet and the ceiling in the dining room grew a disgusting mold colony.
- shouting at your 90 year old father because he refuses to wear his hearing aid
- making arrangements with a friend to hire her son and 3 of his friends to help pitch or move items to a storage unit
- arranging for a dumpster
- packing and pitching items from a house my father lived in for 57 years in record time of about 14 hours. I'm truly grateful my mom was not a packrat, but in the last 4 years she was in a nursing home, he managed to save a lot of paper
- having to go through your mother's items that hadn't been looked at since her funeral
- getting sick and going on antibiotics from the respiratory infection I got from mold exposure while packing up his house.
- having another sister throw up for 2 days from same mold exposure and stress of the Thanksgiving weekend
- having arguments with your 90 year old father because he thinks he can just turn on his electric and dry out his house (water was higher than electric sockets)
- having more arguments with your father because he doesn't understand just because there is a flood it doesn't mean your homeowner's policy automatically covers you. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS COVERAGE.
- having an argument with your father because you ask him to do you one favor and wait for the plumber to winterize the house because you have a full-time job, and while your boss is understanding, there is really only so much time you can take off and he can't even wait for the plumber because he wants to meet his friends. Instead the plumber calls you,you panic because the temperatures are going to drop soon and his pipes might freeze and burst creating an even bigger mess in house. You end up cancelling all your afternoon calls and finally talk to your father who yells at you because he doesn't like the fact that I was upset about his rearranging the plumber's meeting without consulting me and yelling even more at me when I tell him I had to cancel my meetings so he could go have lunch with friends. No thank you. No apology.
- talking for multiple hours with a realtor how to even price the house because it's been in 2 floods in one year
- talking with a real estate attorney to find out if there are any environmental issues that could be a problem when we go to sell
- recognizing that to sell the house $15,000 must be paid to take down the walls to the studs, remove the carpets, replace exterior doors and spray to kill the mold so the structure of the house can remain in tact.
- recognize at some point, while doing all this legwork, your father only respects my 2 sisters and has no issue with dismissing me and the efforts I've been doing to help him.
- recognizing at times his "thank yous" are just lip service
- spending far too much time in Bed, Bath and Beyond and having no desire after 3 shopping carts full of stuff and saving $138 using their coupons how you may never want to step inside any store again. Actually, after this trip, I had to go into Walmart to get some items and had to leave quickly because I was so overwhelmed and it sucked.
- losing all personal time and getting physically sick from the stress and lack of sleep
- having multiple calls daily with the contractor and finding out the City doesn't want to grant you a permit for the demolition within the home to destroy the mold.
- digging up any photos you can find to help get the permit
- having my 2 sisters take my dad to the hospital because he HAD to fix something and went into his garage didn't watch where he was going, tripped and fell flat on his face and broke his nose (he's fine)
- ending up in tears on several occasions because my father has been more than difficult
- realizing that I need space from him
- getting closer to YogaGirl than I ever thought possible and thanking my lucky stars that she stays calm when I can't and vice versa
- hoping that things calm down at work so I don't have to keep working till 8 pm like I have the past several weeks
- looking forward to December 24th because I moved Christmas to the 23rd and I can breathe for a couple of days.

My heart goes out to anyone who suffered, or has suffered from any natural disaster. All the details are crazy enough, but the fighting and other feelings that I've experienced since the storm are more than I wish upon my worst enemy. I've become the ugliest me because of it all and look forward to it all ending.


In addition to the packing and pitching of the house,I appreciate that one sister took my father in during the storm and has been in charge of his medical issues, and that YogaGirl has done so much for my father in terms of finding him his new home, getting the movers to get him in and looking to protect his future financials. She is also paying for repairs to his home so we can put it on the market.

I also appreciate the wonderful people I've met. The claim examiners, the movers, my friend for finding people we needed desperately to help us clear out the house and the amazing contractor who is working with us to keep costs down and manage my father. The realtor and especially my husband who has not only helped out a lot, but has tried to make my life easier by making dinners so I can work late, listen to me cry from sheer frustration with my dad and hugged me when I needed it.

I can also admit this - I've reached my limit and I'm glad I wrote this post. It's been extremely therapeutic. Now...if I could only sleep.

Storm Sandy....

Is it a hurricane? A Nor'easter? Or a reason to eat?

Yes, I know we're going to get slammed and I know that my dad's house will be flooded again. I still have fresh memories of dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Irene to help my dad out, but that's not where I'm going with this post.

What's up with the run on milk and Wonder bread at the grocery markets? I understand the bread because you need it for peanut butter sandwiches or to make bread animals when the power goes out and you're bored [note: Wonder bread has the consistency of silly putty and if you don't have kids, Wonder Bread provides endless hours of fun(note/note: If you're from the Wonder company, I want ad royalties if you decide to use this in future marketing campaigns)].

But seriously? I watched the NYC news and they showed the lines formed outside of Trader Joe's and thought: People don't you have any food in the house?

However, I admit, I'm a bit guilty of running to the store. I went to the local CVS (drug store), because I'm sick as a dog and didn't want to run out of Thera-Flu (OMG, I love this product) and kleenex. Sure, I strayed and bought some Cetaphil body soap (another product I love and is more than amazing), but I am low on soap. However, people were just buying things. I overheard 2 women talking and saying that they were picking up cold medicine just in case. In case of what? It's 60 degrees out and I'm assuming you're not going to sit outside your home during the storm so you get a cold. If you're are, well, I think you may need something more than an over-the-counter cold medication. Personally, if these women were taking the last box of Thera-Flu, I would have tackled them for it. And then, I would cough on them to prove my point that I needed it more.

As I was making soup for dinner, I used the last onion and asked my hubby to run out to the grocery store for: onions, celery, deli meat and more kleenex (what the hell was I thinking only buying one box earlier in the day). Milk was not on the list or Wonder bread, but he strayed on the list and brought home tortilla chips, seven layer dip (if you live near Stew Leonard's you'd know their dip is yummy) ice cream and cookies. Again, as I ask...Are storms really an excuse to just eat?

Yup. I'm Going to Go Here.....

I'm sick of political talk.

I'm bombarded with flyers, calls, Facebook posts and people who freely share their opinion even after I have clearly stated I don't like to talk politics. While I appreciate people are passionate about their party (yes, I have friends on both sides of the political spectrum)I was raised that your vote is private.

I read. I keep well informed of the issues, but I will never let on which way I'm voting and that is the beauty of being registered as an "Independent". I've voted across party lines and I'm fine with that.

However, I'm not fine with the constant bashing. I find the people who complain about the bashing are also bashing, but don't recognize it. I think there are ways to express your beliefs without slamming another party's viewpoint. To me, if you have to bash a political party, I am going to tune you out.

Also, if I tell you I'm an Independent and I don't talk about politics, don't tell me you feel the same way, also an Independent, and then spend the next 2 hours really sharing your Republican viewpoint with me.

Again, I respect that people are passionate about their beliefs, but right now, I'd rather hear about your bowel movements than talk politics. I'd rather hear you have to eat bran muffins to get things moving in the morning.

Because I feel so strongly, I am removing myself from all situations where the majority of the conversation is politics. I can't wait for talk of politics turning to annoying family members at the holidsys.

Living the Ordinary Life

Over the past several months, I've been struggling with just being "ordinary". I lead a fairly quiet life, haven't accomplished anything that put others in awe of me or discovered the cure for any horrible disease. However, wherever I turn, I'm bombarded with stories of people who've done something fantastic with their lives.

The more I read about extraordinary people the more I began to question what I was doing with my life. How often have I heard the statement "if you follow your dreams, you'll be successful" and am left thinking is there something wrong with me because I have no dream that drives me to put everything else on the sidelines. To wonder why I don't have that kind of tunnel vision and be focused or driven. Often, I'm left being annoyed with magazines that only profile these people. Once I'd like to see an article about the 'average' person.

While I admire people who do reach their goals, I've come to the realization that there are more people in the world who lead fairly quiet lives and can be happy with their surroundings and I'm one of those everyday people.

I enjoy quiet moments with my husband, love going to bed on freshly clean and ironed sheets, am thrilled when the refrigerator is clean and am thrilled when I finish a project to the best of my ability.

I have many dreams, but will I ever be one of those over-the-top super special people whom articles are written about? Probably not. But, I've finally come to the place where I can read about these people, appreciate their accomplishments and also know I do small but powerful things that make my life just a little bit better..

Another Reason Why I Should Think Twice About Asking For My Husband's Opinion

Note: I will remember one day to update my profile from unemployed to employed. End of Reminder

Now that I'm back at work for several months, I've been discussing with my husband the household projects that we need to tackle. Because we don't have a family room, our living room doubles as a living room for company, and the place where my husband plants his butt on a nightly basis to watch t.v. (he manages to find the most obscure crap on t.v.). My living room needs some sprucing up and is in desperate need for a new couch.

My couch is 10+ years, but because of its extended use by my hubby, it's more like 30 years old. I told him it was time that we updated the living room with at least a fresh coat of paint and a new couch (eventually, we'll address the hardwood floors that are beaten up and the fireplace). We (which really means my husband) will be painting the room, but after our conversation about the couch, I will be selecting the new couch alone.

Often when I shop for anything for too long, every option I see begins to look the same. It is inevitable that paint colors and fabric swatches begin to blend into one color or one pattern. I wanted to avoid this when selecting a couch and thought if I had my husband come with me, it would make the selection process a breeze. However, reality set in after I mentioned him coming with me to shop for a couch.

I really thought he'd feel thrilled to be included in the process, but I think I was mistaken....or hope I was after our conversation.

When I asked him to come with me, he suggested that we bring the outdoors inside. I don't know what I was thinking, but fell for it. I thought he was going to have a great creative suggestion, but got these 2 suggestions instead:

- why not have a greenish couch with a pattern of wetlands imprinted into the fabric with marshes and ducks; or

- why not have a greenish/brown couch with the forest imprinted into the fabric with deer and other woodland creatures represented.


Take aside my opinion that I think this is just plain ugly, but imagine going to sit down and your butt lands on the face of a raccoon? Eventually, there's no way you wouldn't have a dream that a raccoon is chasing you trying to bite your ass.

Needless to say, I will be on this search alone. I felt out a friend to see if she wanted to come with me, but no luck. I just hope I find this couch quickly.

Untitled - Yet Personal.....

I've been working for several months and still struggle with insomnia. I admit, it's not as often as it was when unemployed, but still, it happens.

Last week I went to dinner with a friend, came home and could not fall asleep. I was a bit anxious and couldn't figure out why. As I was thumbing through the t.v. stations I came upon a documentary on HBO: "Hard Times: Lost on Long Island."*

It followed several people who were hit by the Great Recession. They showed candid conversations with people who were unable to pay bills, feared being evicted, talked about how their friends disappeared because they couldn't handle them being unemployed and other issues that come up when there is no money.

It hit a note. I experienced most everything they went through, but didn't know how to really express myself because I was either frustrated or ashamed because I couldn't find a job and couldn't explain why.

Since getting a job, I realize I relate to why my parents (depression kids -- even though I'm a Gen-X kid) thought cash was king, hid money in a coffee can in the refrigerator and liked having extra money in their checking account.

After watching the documentary, I pinned down why I can't sleep some nights. It's fear. The fear of never feeling financially safe. Realizing that bad things happen to good people and this could happen again. The best I can do is take the right steps towards financial freedom and renew my daily meditation practice to help feel calm.

*As part of taking steps towards financial freedom, I worked with my cable provider to lower my bill to match another offer in the area and, in addition, to lowering my bill, I got HBO free for several months.

I Wonder How Old I'll Be Before I'm No Longer Amazed By What People Do.......

The other night as I was in the waiting room for a focus group I was participating in, I was totally shocked by the actions of this woman in the room.

Just imagine you're sitting in a room with complete strangers. It's totally silent. People are thumbing through magazines and then BLAM 'No Boundaries Lady' enters the room.

This woman is talking loudly on her cell phone not noticing 12 other people are in the room sitting in absolute silence. I've seen where people enter a room while talking, but quickly finish up their conversation. But not this lady. In fact, she got louder and would often pull the phone away to look at a text message she received as she was talking.

It wasn't that she was talking on a cell phone in a room where no else was talking, it is the conversation she was having that made several of us look up at one another in complete shock.

She was talking about someone's child she knew that had just drowned in a pool. Totally oblivious to how loud and how personal she was getting. It was somewhat disturbing to be in the middle of such a conversation. She was clearly upset which led to my ultimate thought/observation: Why are you even here?