Monday, May 2, 2011.......
Here are some unspoken truths of how I was raised:
1. Never wallow. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. You are allowed to have a private pity party, but don't let the party last forever. If anyone has ever read Eat, Pray, Love by E. Gilbert, you may become annoyed with the book like I, and some of my friends did, when first reading it. It took me awhile to discover that she wallowed. She didn't try to forget her pain, but embraced it. As soon as I recognized that she wasn't telling herself to get over it right away, I could follow the author's journey and her healing process.
2. Always give to others and I am not talking about being monetary. I'm talking about being sympathetic or empathetic. But what happens when you do this to avoid your own issues? I can tell you; nothing gets addressed. It's easier to get wrapped up with the issues of others so you don't have to focus on what needs fixing or addressing.
Right now, there are several issues I've avoided or have come to a head and I need to address them. I recognize I need to be selfish right at this point in my life, and quite frankly, I don't have anything to give to every person I know.
For this part of my life, I'm going against all unspoken truths. I'm going to be selfish so I can focus on me. It doesn't mean I don't care, it just means I know I can't help another the way I'd want to or the way they'd need. I want to give to me.
Don't confuse this post with taking from others because that's not where I'm writing from. In fact, I called a dear friend to discuss (okay, more like vent) about a situation that was put in my lap. Long story short -- someone was trying to make me feel guilty about my inaction (I have been known, at times, not to listen to voice mails unless I'm expecting your call or I know it will not drain me emotionally. This does not necessarily mean they have a lot, or any issues, it usually means I don't want to talk about my life at this particularly time). When I finally listened to the person's voice mail, it was exactly what I expected, nothing of significance. A basic message stating hi, I was driving by your road and thought of you. Nothing more and there never is. Not because they don't have more to share, but we really don't have that type of relationship. However, someone made it a point that I should have listened to this voice mail. Granted, there is something going on in their life, but guess what, I can't give to that person without taking a lot away from me.
I know I've struggled for the longest time on this unspoken truth. Often it has been easier to help others to avoid what's in front of me, but realize if I don't start only giving to me and ones closest to me, I won't focus on solving my problems.