Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Pickup Line a Guy Should NEVER Use....

I'm over 50 and DON'T need Viagra!

Yup. You read what I wrote. And yes, this very line was used on my sister while in NYC a couple of weekends ago.

About 3 weeks ago, my sister, YogaGirl, PonchoGirl (my friend since I was 5) and I went into NYC. YogaGirl turns 50 next week and treated us, for her birthday (which I don't get, but I'm okay with it) to tickets to see Harry Connick Jr on Broadway. After the play, PonchoGirl treated us to dinner at Barbuto (YUMMY - would highly recommend), but it was the time in between the play and dinner that YogaGirl met the man of her dreams....

Okay, maybe it was a nightmare, but still, a nightmare is a dream!

We went across the street to this bar where every inch of space, including the ceiling, was adored with glittery pictures of the Virgin Mary and Jesus. The specialty of the house were margaritas, and although I'm not partial to the artwork in the bar (translation, I don't have any glittery coloring book pictures of Jesus, Mary or Joseph in my home), the place had a very fun kitchy vibe to it and we parked our butts on the bar stool. This is where my sister met Mr. Wonderful and his friend.

This is the point in the story where I need to make my disclaimer: If an annoying, or I think I'm an ultra-cool man, begins to talk to a friend or family member of mine, I don't care how close we are, I will ditch your sorry ass to avoid any conversation with such human being.

Yup. It's true. I've done it in the past, but to my defense, I learned this trick from a girlfriend who'd did the same to me before I remarried.

I guess the conversation was going smoothly between my sister, non-Viagra (nV) man and his friend until the friend went to the bathroom. I guess nV felt this the perfect time let her know he was in town for one night and how he was over 50, but needed no Viagra. Mind you, the guy was wearing a wedding band. I missed this conversation, as I had already turned my back and ditched her to chat with my friend.

What the hell was nV guy thinking? Did he think telling my sister of his manliness was going to get her on her back in his hotel room? (Note: he made sure to mention several times prior how they were only in town for one night - this was precisely the moment I turned my back on her to chat only with my friend).

I'm not sure what I might have said if I had been tossed that line. Actually I do. I would have said: "Wow, you must be really proud". But somehow, I think her approach of not responding was probably the way to go.

We left shortly after the comment and as we made our way to the restaurant, I asked my sister why she didn't go for it.

Yeah, I laughed at her expense.

14 comments:

Brian Miller said...

oy he is a real winner eh? probably the product of a sad life in some way...or just stupid...

Lora said...

ha!

Also, what was the name of this place? I'm a sucker for a Kitchen Virgin!

Spot said...

Please tell me you made this story up. The absolute gall of some people is beyond me.

Maybe she should have said, "Well, that must make your wife very happy."

♥Spot

Little Ms Blogger said...

Brian - he really was. he also told us several times has he was an officer in the Air Force for 25 years.

Lora - the kitchen virgin was adorned with strings of chili pepper lights throughout the bar.

Spot - I couldn't make this shit up. Long your comeback line. I'd remember it for the future, but believe he was one in a million.

blueviolet said...

I can't believe he thought that line would help him score.

Dan said...

Some people are strange - and others are really strange.

With lines like that guy, a bar full of virgins is very appropriate.

So. Cal. Gal said...

I would've said, "Men who have to brag about their virility, to feel good about themselves, turn me off."

Pat said...

Can't blame a guy for trying. KIDDING! I probably would have laughed right in his face! And seeing that he had a wedding ring on, I would have said, "Your wife is probably so happy about that!"

Geesh. Men. Can't live with them. Can't shoot 'em!;)

Andrea said...

I don't know what I'd say (I'm one of those who thinks of the come-backs about 5 hours later)...but "Ya gotta be kiddin' me" comes to mind, or, "But you don't look a day over 60." But I do like the "your wife must be very happy" line.

Bonnie said...

Ha, well I'm not all that impressed, my grandfather was a nV until his death at 97 years old. How do I know this? He bragged about it.

I hope the rest of the evening was less lecherous.

Gia said...

Hahah that is an awful line. But I do the EXACT same thing to my friends re: ditching friends. To be fair, sometimes they'll kind of invite the conversation with an odd looking dude, and then they get trapped. I totally don't feel bad for ditching them at ALL then. Sorry, but guys are aggressive and don't read signals in bars. So any hint of friendliness =you're stuck talking to them. No thank you. Not trying to be a bitch, but no. thank. you.

Romina Garcia said...

Even though that pick up line is neither relevant to my age or fact that I don't have a penis - I'm still totally going to use it anyway ;-)

Greg Scott's Compendium of The Weird and wonderful said...

The come back is obvious "I didn't need it when I was a man either."

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