Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Things Your Mother Failed to Teach You....

Wednesday, March 9, 2011.....


At various points during my childhood, I got various lectures from mom and dad of what I shouldn't do. For instance, as a small child, I was told never to talk to strangers or eat the candy apples or rice krispies in my trick or treat bag (just a note here, who has the time to make this stuff? Isn't it easier to just pick up a bag of snickers at the local drug store).

As I got older, the messages kept coming, but all having the underlying fear of God or death in them (btw, if you haven't already guessed, the Halloween candy apple message had the underlying message of death in it). Messages I heard:

- don't do drugs because you'll die

- don't have sex because you'll get pregnant or VD and basically your life will be over (note: AIDS was just on the scene and my parents didn't know about it).

- don't have sex before marriage with more than one person because it makes you a slut and no respectable guy will want to marry you.

- don't live with a man before marriage because it is a sin and he won't want to put a ring on your finger because blah, blah, cow & getting milk for free, blah, blah, blah (I obviously paid no attention to this...and for the record, I lived with someone for 3 years before we married, granted we got divorced years later, but mom was so wrong).

- always wear white underwear in case you get in a car accident. I have to ask, did anyone else get this message from their mother? I swear she left me with the impression that if I did get in a serious car accident the first thing the medic was going to do, was going to ripe off my underwear and use it as a tourniquet. I now know medics come fully prepared and won't need my underwear for any medical bandages.

However, with all this advice, mom never gave me the most important advice: cleaning is harmful to your health.

It is, and I have a story to prove it.

Last week, I convinced hubby, okay told him, he was going to help me clear out some kitchen cabinets above the fridge and help me move the fridge and clean under it (btw, how often are you supposed to do that?). Well, he handed me all those dishes I never use because I can't get to them and put them in the dishwasher. Once the cabinet was cleaned out, I told him I needed to load the dishwasher and I'd call him when I was done to help me pull out the fridge. I loaded the dishwasher and armed with Windex (the world's best cleaner) I got on a chair, leaned forward to reach over the fridge and get into the cabinet -- then WHAMO. The chair slips out from under me, and long story short, I jam, break or sprain 3 toes.

It's been over a week and they still hurt, but the black and blue is much better.

The morale to my story is: my mother filled my head with impractical warnings and if she had only warned me about the hazards of cleaning, this accident may have been avoided. However, I was wearing white underwear while I had this accident...AND again, no need to use them to make a tourniquet.

10 comments:

Nancy said...

I totally agree, cleaning IS hazardous to your health! The part about the white underwear made me laugh. My mom never said it, but I think I remember hearing someone else's mom say it.
I hope your toes heal quickly- ouch!!

maria.palermo said...

LMB, I never heard about wearing white underwear, but to be sure to wear underwear in general! As far as cleaning under the fridge, I do it every couple of months and be sure to vacuum the coils because if they get too dusty, your fridge won't run efficiently.

Titania said...

White underwear in case of an accident?!? WHY?!? I am screwed, I don't think I own any white underwear...

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hahaha, dude. The idea of a panty tourniquet is cracking me up. But yeah I always think about accidents when it's near laundry day and I'm wearing the nasty oversized panties or the ones with the hole in the side or the elastic coming out, or the joke pair I got one birthday that say "HARLOT" across the ass. Because in any accident the first thing a paramedic cares about is what underwear we're wearing. But white underwear, I did not know about.

Hope your poor toes recover soon. I winced just reading it. ICK! I jammed my hand in an exercise bike a few weeks ago (don't even ask) and I had bone bruises and skin bruises and pain until about a week ago. UGH. Hope you feel better soon.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Nancy - Thanks. They are still stiff.

maria - how funny you mentioned vacuuming the coils - we did, but there was an extensive conversation about the benefits of doing it and should the panel come off (it didn't have to).

Little Ms Blogger said...

Titania - If my mother was your mother, you'd definitely be screwed for not owning white underwear. Of course, she also didn't let me wear black until age 18.

Veg Ass - Okay, the HARLOT underwear visualization with the medics cracks me up. Imagine the conversation the medics would have if they actually cared about that stuff.

I'm very curious about the exercise bike accident. That sounds like it could be a funny story.

P said...

Ha!!! Sorry for your soreness though, but luckily me and my mum BOTH have the untidy gene, so she's never had to tell me cleaning was hazardous for my health . . . I just KNEW that automatically!

Little Ms Blogger said...

P - you have a very wise mother.

Matty said...

Yeah, I got the clean underwear schpiel too. I think it's what mothers did back in the day.

And the real moral of the story is not to clean at all.

manders said...

and this is why i avoid cleaning. i'm not lazy, no no no... i'm cautious!