Things Your Mother Failed to Teach You....

Wednesday, March 9, 2011.....


At various points during my childhood, I got various lectures from mom and dad of what I shouldn't do. For instance, as a small child, I was told never to talk to strangers or eat the candy apples or rice krispies in my trick or treat bag (just a note here, who has the time to make this stuff? Isn't it easier to just pick up a bag of snickers at the local drug store).

As I got older, the messages kept coming, but all having the underlying fear of God or death in them (btw, if you haven't already guessed, the Halloween candy apple message had the underlying message of death in it). Messages I heard:

- don't do drugs because you'll die

- don't have sex because you'll get pregnant or VD and basically your life will be over (note: AIDS was just on the scene and my parents didn't know about it).

- don't have sex before marriage with more than one person because it makes you a slut and no respectable guy will want to marry you.

- don't live with a man before marriage because it is a sin and he won't want to put a ring on your finger because blah, blah, cow & getting milk for free, blah, blah, blah (I obviously paid no attention to this...and for the record, I lived with someone for 3 years before we married, granted we got divorced years later, but mom was so wrong).

- always wear white underwear in case you get in a car accident. I have to ask, did anyone else get this message from their mother? I swear she left me with the impression that if I did get in a serious car accident the first thing the medic was going to do, was going to ripe off my underwear and use it as a tourniquet. I now know medics come fully prepared and won't need my underwear for any medical bandages.

However, with all this advice, mom never gave me the most important advice: cleaning is harmful to your health.

It is, and I have a story to prove it.

Last week, I convinced hubby, okay told him, he was going to help me clear out some kitchen cabinets above the fridge and help me move the fridge and clean under it (btw, how often are you supposed to do that?). Well, he handed me all those dishes I never use because I can't get to them and put them in the dishwasher. Once the cabinet was cleaned out, I told him I needed to load the dishwasher and I'd call him when I was done to help me pull out the fridge. I loaded the dishwasher and armed with Windex (the world's best cleaner) I got on a chair, leaned forward to reach over the fridge and get into the cabinet -- then WHAMO. The chair slips out from under me, and long story short, I jam, break or sprain 3 toes.

It's been over a week and they still hurt, but the black and blue is much better.

The morale to my story is: my mother filled my head with impractical warnings and if she had only warned me about the hazards of cleaning, this accident may have been avoided. However, I was wearing white underwear while I had this accident...AND again, no need to use them to make a tourniquet.