Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I can't believe a case of poison ivy can lead to a group of naked men on a mushroom expedition....

Anyone who has read my blog over the past few months knows I have been combating a woodchuck, family of rabbits, squirrels and deer. These are woodland creatures I can see, identify and try to instill the fear of God into. I'd like to say I intimidate them, but I don't. Well, the woodchuck I do, but the squirrels and deer mock me and the rabbits snarl at me after a long staring contest.

In keeping with the theme of organic gardening, I try to weed my garden. Not often, but I'll go out and weed when there are enough weeds to feel as though I accomplished something. Although I can identify weeds from plants, I can't identify poison ivy. My husband pointed it out that I was ripping out patches of poison ivy and was surprised I didn't know what it looked like. I have to admit, I didn't and still don't. I have a vision of it in my mind and apparently I'm totally off the mark.

So....after washing my hands with hot water and soap, I managed to get a case of PI on my left hand and left side of my face (I wonder if I get points for proving a scientific theory that people scratch the left side of their face with their left hand and right side with right hand -- okay, I'll stop digressing). I was telling a friend this story and mentioned I also have mushrooms in my garden and if I couldn't identify PI, how in the world would I distinguish an edible mushroom.

Personally, I think you have to have a special degree to identify edible mushrooms because for every edible mushroom there are apparently 2 twins. One looks like the edible one, but not tasty and the other is poisonous. He agreed. He also told me that you don't need a special degree, you just need to be an old world European person to distinguish an edible mushroom. I agreed 100% because the only person I heard of mushroom picking was my husband's grandmother and she was from Czechoslovakia.

I have to admit, although my friend's observation was brilliant, I wanted to know how he came up with it. He started with "Remember the summer I was at the gay nudist camp"... "well, there was an old world European there giving mushroom scouting lessons." The story from that point on was just lost on me. I began to have visions of naked men protecting their peckers from twig snap-backs or PI all wearing Robin Hood hats and dancing around the forest.

Needless to say, my friend did not partake on the mushroom expedition so I couldn't ask if he had any helpful tips (on distinguishing edible from non-edible mushrooms - get your mind out of the gutter). However, I have to confess, after creating a vision of a naked Robin Hood and his merry men, I don't think I would have absorbed too much knowledge about mushrooms.

What I do is this: I still can't identify poison ivy or edible mushrooms and doubt I ever will.

14 comments:

Brian Miller said...

haha...it is a good thing they did not run into a patch of poisonivy...you know...just got over a large patch on my leg...

blueviolet said...

I guess if they're that hard to tell apart, I'd just avoid them all!

Sorry about the poison ivy. That's miserable!

Lady Jewels Diva® said...

"Remember the summer I was at the gay nudist camp"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

What a line to start a story with!

Maria said...

My dad used to drive up to the north section of my hometown and pick wild mushrooms. I asked him "how do you know if they're not poisonous?" He always responded by saying "I just know." I wish I knew why, but all I can remember is that they were the best mushrooms I ever had!

Logical Libby said...

I identify edible mushrooms by their packaging in the store.

DB said...

But can you identify a gay man's penis? That might be the real question LOL.

Supposedly there is a nudist camp is very near me but have yet to confirm that.

I'm with Logical Libby - sign me up for the little containers at the store covered with plastic wrap....

Joanna Jenkins said...

What a story--- Ha!

I still can't identify poison ivy either, which is why if I'm within a hundred yards of it, chances are I'll get it. Ugh.

Hang in there. jj

Margaret (Nanny Goats) said...

Hang on...there's a scientific theory that people scratch the left side of their face with their left hand and right side with right hand? Really? Why have I not heard of this.

Also, no matter how many times my brother explains to me what Poison Ivy looks like, I will forget until the next time he tells me.

Spot said...

I'm immune to poison ivy. So is one of my sons and my daughter. We can touch the stuff and have no reaction. My husand and youngest son however, are horribly allergic to it. Did I mention we live in the woods?

We pick morels every spring. I think that there is a picture on my blog of some that hubby picked this year. They were huge this year! I can't remember the exact post but I know mushroom is in the title. Lol.

Watch out for those woodland creatures- they'll gang up on you.

Still giggling about your friend's story!

♥Spot

MisSy `ala* FriBBLe~ said...

I use to imagine the marijuana plant when anyone mentioned poison ivy. That is what would pop into my head. I don't partake mind you, but imagine if someone had a reverse confusion and smoked a rolled up poison ivy filled joint .... eeeek.

Working Mommy said...

Hahahahaha!!! I had a vision of "that one time...at band camp" and I just started laughing in my office!!

WM

Lora said...

I hope it wasn't so bad that you're still laid up!

Miss you, lady. Just checking in to say so.

Dan said...

Poison ivy, poison oak, poison sumac and I all make acquaintanceship from time to time - and I still don't know them other than in passing.

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