Friday, April 27, 2012

Yin and Yang

I often heard people refer to the "Yin and Yang" of a situation....or what comes up must come down. I've never really been a big believer that if something good happens it is bound that something bad is soon to follow. For the past several years, my life has been more of the snowball effect -- where one thing after another, after another occurs. However, things recently changed and I'm experiencing the Yin & Yang effect.

I'm one to shy away and shut down when things go awry and my life since last September was progressively going on a downward spiral (which also explains my reason for the lack of blog posts). For a person who takes pride for accomplishing a lot, I had to look in the mirror and admit I was failing and even though I was trying, I had absolutely no control. I swallowed my pride, accepted help from loved ones and made calls I dreaded. Needless to say, I cried more than I want to admit.

It was humbling to say the least. I see things differently than I did 4 years, 3 years and even 1 year ago. I've learned what's important, what I'm truly grateful for, and have observed the behavior of people who became uncomfortable with how my life changed and just avoided me because they couldn't or didn't know what to say or do around me.

May 2nd would mark the 4 year anniversary of being unemployed, but recently things have changed. In a 2 week span, I had an interview which was more like an exchange of ideas, was offered a position, and then helped pull together the details of my mother's funeral.

She died quietly after suffering for years from Alzheimer's and had long forgotten who I was. I think she knew she was not enjoying life in a wheelchair and had decided to stop eating and talking for several days before passing. She would have needed a feeding tube and I'm glad my father never had to witness it. For me, my mother's passing was a blessing. I know her quality of life was not one she would have wanted (or anyone would), and am thankful it didn't get worse.

It's amazing how quickly my life has changed. One thing I know for sure is this: If someone told me I could have the lifestyle I had in 2008 without my husband or go through all the shit I did for the past 4 years and have my husband by my side,I choose my husband hands down. He's always been by side to support me, to prop me up while down, but it was during the week of my mother's funeral where this became obvious. While pulling out my hair with my dad and all the funeral details,he quietly comforted me by being there to handle my dad when I couldn't, and doing whatever I needed even when I couldn't form a simple sentence because there were so many details to attend to. He did what I asked, but more importantly he knew to do things for me even when I didn't know I needed the help.

I start work on Monday. Am I happy? Ummm....Yes. I have to admit, with all the events that happened this month, I am not stressed about starting a new job, but instead I feel very calm. Maybe it is because I felt the highs and lows of emotions in the same period of definition of the Yin and Yang of a situation.


Brian Miller said...

wow you have had quite the month...i am sorry on your mom...ugh, never easy ...even after the dimentia...but congrats on the job...that is awesome...have fun with it...and love the bit on your hubby...smiles.

Little Ms Blogger said...

@Brian, I love the part about my husband. He's one of the most generous people I know and consider myself blessed to have him in my life.

JeannetteLS said...

I am so glad your husband has been such a man through all you've endured.

I understand how the yin and the yang of life can seem inordinately far apart. But doesn't it feel something like a miracle when suddenly things fall together so you are in a place of peace? Where you do not see that you were trying harder or doing anything differently, but one incident suddenly tips the balance?

Yes, you are blessed with your husband. My guess is that he would say the same about you. May this be a long, long spell of good things for you.

Little Ms Blogger said...

@Jeannette - I am too. It does feel like a miracle in ways because you don't expect to have such extremes happen at once. I hope my husband feels the same way :-)...but figure if he's been with me through this, he considers me a keeper.

spirit-in-sky-paul said...

Lordy, lordy girl. First Rambling with Riley and now, you 'Little Ms.' Personally, you gals exhaust an old dude like me. However, my genes carry more than 'nuff French DNA to permit my arrogance to come shining through. So permit me to invite you and others to Google me at: Sky-Papa's Trading Post. My preferred description is 'older white gentleman with a penchance for wearing red tennies.' Current abode in Palm Springs, CA but hold
to put down roots in July in northern small town, Paradise, CA.
As always, keep on blogging Ms. Little.

Madge said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother. God has a way of timing things, ya' know the whole closing a door and opening a window. I know how you feel, having a job will probably give you a sense of normalcy again. You'll do just fine. :)

lacochran's evil twin said...

You've certainly been through a lot. I'm sorry for your loss, welcome back to blogging, and I hope you love the new job!

Maria said...

LMB, your husband is a wonderful man, you are truly blessed. I know it's been a tough road for you. Congrats on your new job, wishing you loads of love and happiness!

angelsroy33 said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. It's hard no matter what, but you have the right idea; quality of life was not there, and remember the good times. Congratulations on the job too. Wonderful too to hear something good about someone's husband for once and how much you love him. I thought I was being old fashioned all the time thinking MY husband was the best person in the world!!! Very happy for you, and keep blogging,-I'm here to stay/read! :)

Pat said...

I am sorry about the passing of your Mom. You have had a rough go of it for awhile.

I hope you like your new job and things start to go your way. You surely deserve it!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Losing a parent is never easy, even when seems to be a blessing... it's still hard and my heart is with you.

High Five on the job! I hope it's something you're looking forward to and feel really good about. i'll be cheering you on.

And a big hug to you and your husband.

Hang in there. xo jj

Ioana-Carmen said...

beautiful work!
Can we follow each other?:X