Sunday, July 29, 2012

Untitled - Yet Personal.....

I've been working for several months and still struggle with insomnia. I admit, it's not as often as it was when unemployed, but still, it happens.

Last week I went to dinner with a friend, came home and could not fall asleep. I was a bit anxious and couldn't figure out why. As I was thumbing through the t.v. stations I came upon a documentary on HBO: "Hard Times: Lost on Long Island."*

It followed several people who were hit by the Great Recession. They showed candid conversations with people who were unable to pay bills, feared being evicted, talked about how their friends disappeared because they couldn't handle them being unemployed and other issues that come up when there is no money.

It hit a note. I experienced most everything they went through, but didn't know how to really express myself because I was either frustrated or ashamed because I couldn't find a job and couldn't explain why.

Since getting a job, I realize I relate to why my parents (depression kids -- even though I'm a Gen-X kid) thought cash was king, hid money in a coffee can in the refrigerator and liked having extra money in their checking account.

After watching the documentary, I pinned down why I can't sleep some nights. It's fear. The fear of never feeling financially safe. Realizing that bad things happen to good people and this could happen again. The best I can do is take the right steps towards financial freedom and renew my daily meditation practice to help feel calm.

*As part of taking steps towards financial freedom, I worked with my cable provider to lower my bill to match another offer in the area and, in addition, to lowering my bill, I got HBO free for several months.


5 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hey i get to experience it now...my company closed while i was on vacation last week...woohoo...ugh...i understand that fear....

lacochran's evil twin said...

When you lack financial security, it affects your options. Everybody wants options and to feel secure. Bottom line is, though, that nothing is guaranteed, so we might as well do the best we can and let go of the rest. (Easy to type, hard to actually do.)

Mrs4444 said...

Not to get all hokey or whatever, but I recommend adding some positive affirmations to your nightly ritual. I think they call it "manifesting." You deserve this happiness, this security, this fulfillment. They say that if you hold onto worry about it, you're creating what you don't want. It can't hurt to do the opposite. :) Sleep well tonight, my friend...

Barb said...

Nothing IS guaranteed, though we all at times wish things were. I can really relate to this post. Times are tough and I have had to make difficult choices. Made them and am happier, feel more in control, which is a wonderful thing.
Take care and have an awesome day.

angelsroy33 said...

I totally understand this, and went thru this when I was in my 20's, and amassed almost $30,000 in credit card debt, but thanks to my husband and family, I became smarter with my money, paid everything off without borrowing, and now just have our monthly bills to pay. I really kept me up MANY, MANY nights, until I got control of myself financially. So the more you do to control your money(ex.the cable bill,) the better you will start to feel. It really does make a difference.