Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Rant and Rave Wednesday

Wednesday, March 4, 2009.....

For people new to this blog, Wednesdays are Rant and Rave day and I encourage anyone to leave their personal Rant or Rave in the comments section.

For return readers, here are my following Rants and Raves without further adieu:

Rave - Beautiful snowfall and the snow mysteriously disappeared from my driveway. Okay, not mysteriously (thanks to hubby), but I'd like to think there is such a thing as a snow shoveling angel.

Rave - Won $15 in lottery. I rarely play and it was nice to have some good fortune bestowed upon me.

Rave - Loving the wood burning stove we installed this past October. I haven't had one oil bill this season and haven't paid for wood.

Rave - It's March and closer to Spring. This means I will be taking my first shot at an herb garden and planting Brussel sprouts.

Rave - Jonas Brother movie release - JUST JOKING. Wanted to see if anyone actually reads my words. They are probably very talented, but I'm past their prime target audience age.

I only have one Rant for this past week. It is the feeling of being totally and utterly helpless and hopeless.

I felt paralyzed and incredibly sad for most of last week. The guilt of being unemployed paralyzes me, but this is the first time where I actually felt helpless and hopeless because the economy is out of my control.

Feeling helpless and hopeless is something I've only felt one time before when I was diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated to learn that the cancer would leave me childless and incredibly helpless when I returned to the hospital 2 weeks later for emergency surgery to remove a life threatening infection. I was so sick I didn't really understand the seriousness until I was in the operating room. My oncologist came in to hold my hand prior to the surgery and said, I'm scared for you.

When I awoke, I learned from the various surgeons (I had two different teams) they removed the infection which they all thought was flesh eating. Luckily, it wasn't, but I was left with this disgusting open wound.

Needless to say, recovery was harder than I thought. I'd begin to feel great and then wake up one day and feel as miserable as the first day after surgery. I was feeling hopeless and helpless that I'd never feel 100%.

It took longer than I thought to recover, but I did. I realize that sometimes things happen in your life that leave me feeling lost, hurt, confused. When it happens all at once, well, the result is how I felt last week.

I embraced the feeling and had my own pity-party for a day or two and moved on. My Rave is that I have great people in my life that let me cry when I need to and don't stop me. I just hope I do the same for them.


kk said...

Here's my rave: that you're better today and that the past is behind you.

what type of work are you looking for? what industry? shoot me an email...maybe I know someone???

LiLu said...

Oh, darlin. This was so brave of you to write... thanks for sharing it with us. I'm really glad you have those people, too, and I KNOW you do the same for them. <3

SillyStud said...

What I love about you LMB is that you demonstrate to me the resilience of life; as a friend and observer I find that nothing keeps you from living the life you lay out for yourself. It's a marvel.

...and the Jonas Brothers ROCK!


Little Ms Blogger said...

kk - Thanks for the offer. I will definitely forward my resume. You never know.

LiLu - Thanks and I'm SOOOO glad I have such great friends and family. I've really put them through the ringer the past several years.

SillyStud - Thanks for the really kind words. They mean a lot coming from you.