Thursday, April 16, 2009....
Yesterday I had lunch with a girlfriend from college. We were thick-as-thieves in college, but over the years, we drifted. It happened, but it is one of those friendships you can just pick up years later.
A couple of months ago, her husband came home from a business trip and announced that he could no longer live with her. He needed his own space. She is devastated, but handling it. She still loves him and wants to maintain the family, but I also believe, although unspoken, his reason is just random. It is hard to walk away from a 11 year marriage with no real closure.
The part I don't understand is leaving and needing to know and control every aspect of her life.
Although he has rented a home larger than hers, he still keeps most of his belongings at her home. He has also told her she has to sell the car because of the payments (okay, I understand) but don't dictate the exact car she has to buy. Don't get upset because she's decided to protect herself and retain an attorney. Don't claim he needs to keep the house in both names because he's needs a tax write-off.
Sure, he's going to be a good guy and make the payments, but what if he doesn't? He has no vested interest in the home and don't get me started on the other ramifications (his say on a future home sale, any insurance claims, or possible additions, etc.).
This man wants out, but it is obvious he wants my friend's life to remain as though she is still his wife.
When does one party of a couple get to move on and the other not allowed to?
In my opinion, he's a small child that has decided he's tired of a favorite toy. He doesn't want to play with it anymore, but won't give it to someone else or throw it away. He just puts it in his toy chest and knows that he'll always own it.
He obviously missed the life lesson of having one's cake and eating it too.