Thursday, April 9, 2009...
I have no idea what I was thinking when I posted this Facebook status:
"I'm trying to figure out how I stop the neighbor's cat from using my front yard flower bed as its litter box. I can't stand the smell of cat pee as soon as I open the door. Any suggestions? [I won't shoot it]"
I thought maybe I had other friends that ran into my situation who could share their "wisdom" of how they solved their problem. Here are the comments I received:
Jon: Mixture of catnip and rat poison
I thought I was clear by stating I wasn't going to shoot the cat that people knew I meant I wasn't going to kill it.
John: How about a crossbow.
Rich: One word..."Airsoft"
It's fun and wont kill the frigger
At least Rich understood that "I won't shoot it" meant I wasn't planning on killing the cat - kudos to him.
At this point I responded to all three thinking some addition feedback might be helpful.
LMB: Hmm....maybe I should have stated I wanted options that won't kill a cat. Jon & John you give great suggestions of how to kill (although a crossbow? a bit extreme don't you think?)
Rich, your suggestion may not kill the kitty, but do I want to pick up a peeing kitty? (For some reason, I misinterpreted "airsoft" as "air toss").
I thought maybe the clarification would help, but nope... Instead, I received these further suggestions:
John: Crossbow sends a message to all animals in the neighborhood.
Rich: The Airsoft is a gun...like a BB gun, but with plastic BB-like pellets. I think the neighbors cat would make good target practice. (Again, very helpful since I had confused the terms airsoft with air toss)
At this point, I realize being subtle just isn't going to work and state the obvious - You people frighten me....does anyone have any nonviolent suggestions for me?
John: Kidnap the kitty and drop him off at a shelter in Jersey. (For readers not on the East coast, 95 cats were recently rescued from huge mansion in NJ and are currently residing in a shelter awaiting adoption).
Rich: ... strategically place fly paper in your garden...too much?
At this point, I realize I will not receive one suggestion that I'd ever use and send an email to a person I know may have a real solution. However, I can't stop here because I want to see how creative these guys will go.
LMB: am I to dangle fly paper off the gutters of the house or string a line across the yard and dangle them off the line? Also, how many fly strips would I need because I'm trying to catch a cat, not a fly...
Rich: No no...just lay the paper in the garden. So when el gato steps in the garden...stick stick stick
LMB: Just imagine what else would get stuck on the paper....
Rich: Oh...you could have a whole menagerie of stuck critters.
At this point, I thinking only men would give such bad advice - WRONG. My girlfriend gets in the act with this tidbit of wisdom:
A: I think you need to get a dog. A beagle would just love to chase that darn cat!
At the end of the evening, my friend on the West Coast sums it all up with the following statement:
Ron: LMB - your friend John is really thinking. I would take one of his suggestions.
I give up. I have learned my lesson and will not use FB to seek any solutions from my friends. Having admitted defeat, I posted the following status this morning:
I'd like to thank everyone for their interesting solutions to my gardening problem yesterday. I wonder if I would have received as many great suggestions if I had asked the question "What should I serve for Easter dinner?"