Monday, December 21, 2009

Respect

Monday, December 21, 2009.....

Some people believe respect is earned, others believe it's earned by one's status, age or title within a company. I believe respect is associated with all these scenarios and one more: acceptance.

I have many friends from various walks of life with various beliefs. Some I've known for 30 + years, some under 5, some conservative and others very liberal. Although many differ from me, they all have one thing in common -- my acceptance.

I think in a friendship one has to respect a person by accepting who they are; how they live their life, basically, just appreciate who they are and how they compliment your personality. In friendship, acceptance of a person means you respect who they and how they live their life.

So why is it that people can't accept others? Why try to correct or change them to fit your standards? If it bothers you, end the friendship, but don't make the person feel horrible through your words or actions that really do nothing more than have the person on the receiving end feel hurt, unworthy, and basically crappy.

Someone was recently disrespectful in my home. Through their mocking words and an action they thought I wouldn't notice, but did, they hurt me. To others it may have seemed trivial, but to me, it wasn't.

It showed me that this person really doesn't accept me and ultimately has little respect for me. Maybe they didn't realize this, but it did.

22 comments:

Melanie's Randomness said...

Respect I think is one of the most important things in a frienship. Sorry to hear about someone disrespecting you. I would tell them so they at least know they hurt you.

erin said...

I have been having a hard time lately with humans in general. It seems near to impossible to garner respect from anyone...I was always under the impression you should show everyone respect and kindness to the best of your ability. But the lady who pushed me in the store this weekend or the dude who dangerous rode our ass the whole way down a highway on the way home from that store didn't get that memo, I guess.

Jules said...

Sometimes people try to be funny and it crosses the line. I see this a lot with my students. It sucks that your feelings were hurt.

Matty said...

You said this so well. I especially notice it with political views. Each side is so entrenched in their beliefs that they cannot tolerate anything that differs from theirs. So instead of accepting them with respect despite their disagreement, they mock and ridicule each other.

Dree said...

I love this post. You are so right about respect in friendships. Just last night I had someone who I thought was a friend victimise me completely. Well, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She won't get that second chance.

Dan said...

Respect is a given for friendship to exist. If you don't respect me or I don't respect you, there is no basis for friendship.

I'll add one thing that people often don't think of - respect is the only way of dealing with diversity of thought and action. I may think a subset of your actions or beliefs are insane, but respect allows me to examine the totality rather than making a bad judgment based on one facet of your behaviors or beliefs.

Goose said...

Sorry you got disrespected. It always hurts a lot worse when it comes from a friend you valued and respected. Are you going to say something to the person?

Herding Cats said...

I notice that sometimes friends are disrespectful when they are jealous or insecure about something. It does NOT justify the comment, but I'm wondering what would happen if you confront the friend. I have made the mistake of letting things that bothered me "slide" but then they just fester and eventually I explode.

Jade "Purple" Brown said...

great post!

The Sorority said...

LMB - so sorry that happened to you. It sucks getting your feelings hurt by a friend especially in your own home.

I think you need to say something about this incident to your friend. You owe it to yourself and them to let them know that they hurt you and why. They need to know that you respect yourself too much to let them disrespect you.

Lissaloo said...

What a great post, respect seems to be something that there is little of in this world lately.
I am stopping by from Matty Thoughts to say Hi :)

Monkey Man said...

Many try to make themselves feel better or superior by belittling others. Sad case of human nature. We all do it at times, but some get the habit too deeply engrained and forget that others even have feelings. Sorry yours were hurt. Perhaps it's time for an amputation. These people are best cut off.

Unknown Mami said...

I think your perspective on respect and acceptance is right on. I'm sorry that you were disrespected. Do you plan on addressing it?

JennyMac said...

respect is critical to life and relationships but some people are unfortunately clueless, misanthropes, or both.

Sorry to hear this happened in your home.

Alex said...

I don't understand how people don't get that respect has to be earnt. It is part of a friendship, relationship and errr all those other ships. And that classic saying "treat others as you wish to be treated" seems to miss the mark for a lot of people as well. I do feel a little better that is wasn't just in the UK that people were utterly shit to one another, they seem to do it here as well in the States.

Your post is so well put.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Want me to kick their ass? Because I will!
There's nothing worse than being disrespected in your own home. It happened to me once. I did a post called Rules For Guests At My House As of Today in April of '08. I think they read it. We haven't heard much from them since.
I'm so sorry this happened to you in your own home. That just plain sucks!

Big hugs!!

Living and Loving in L.A. said...

Yikes!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you!!!
I'm not really sure what the solution is. Did you confront them? Maybe a phone call to tell them how much what they said hurt you is in order?
Hard for me to do that though...I'm usually no non-confrontational that that sort of thing makes me really nervous.
Again, so sorry!

Brian Miller said...

that stinks...if someone has something to say, i would rather they be forthright and just say it...not aside remarks. i do think part of respect is saying things that need to be said, but in a loving way. respect does come with appreciation amd acceptance, sometimes tough conversations served with a side of grace. i'd let them know...

CatLadyLarew said...

No matter how old you are, it still hurts when someone disrespects you. It always makes me wonder, "Why?" What is it that compels people to do this? So sorry you had to be on the receiving end of someone else's misery. You deserve better than that!

otin said...

It is an age old question that you ask. I am not sure that there is a real good answer. People seem to like to tear apart anything that differs from what they believe.

fgrngtllt said...

i ended a friendship recently because i felt disrespected. i didn't even feel it worth explaining to that person why. but they got the hint and never made contact.

how can you call yourself a true friend if you don't respect the other person?respect,trust and honesty are the foundations of any good relationship i say!

The Bumbles said...

So true. No fun being dissed. One of my good friends did that to me as well at a recent holiday party - though it was one on one and I don't think she had any idea how she came across. She was trying to find an explanation for a change in our relationship and just kind of thinking out loud. It let me know she and I aren't coming from the same place. So food for thought to be addressed at a different time. For now I'm enjoying the rest of the holidays. Happier experiences in the New Year.