I Married a Monkey and My Crazy Ass Friend

Friday, December 19, 2008....

With the first snowfall upon us, there is not much to do other than stay in, stay warm and drink champagne. Okay, maybe drinking champagne is not necessary, but it was tasty.

During the course of the evening, I had two very disturbing conversations. The first with a friend of mine. We were discussing her "possible" work happy hour at her condo the last week of December. I told her to invite the guy she likes and after getting through all the excuses of why he might not come, it came down to this one line: "he can't ravage me in the bathroom because I only have one clean one". After my shock wore off, all I could muster was "excuse me?"

She explained they would be in the other bathroom which isn't clean (take aside the obvious fact she could clean it before the event) I explained that a man, ravaging a woman for the first time, would not notice the state of her bathroom. After that statement, I couldn't utter anything else because I thought her logic to be absurd.

So, that was conversation # 1 that left me baffled. The other one was with the hubby.

Every year, my family has a grab bag for Christmas. Now that he is part of the fold, he is participating. He drew my nephew's name and actually purchased one of the items via my nephew's directions through eBay. He paid on December 3rd, but when I questionned him earlier in the week, he was a bit stumped as to why it hadn't arrived. [Note: at the moment, we still have two residences and he had it shipped to the location where Christmas is not being held] He contacted the seller and was told that the item was shipped the day before, but the seller did not offer up a tracking number when asked. As of today, the package is still MIA and he doesn't really seem to care.

I don't think he grasps that Christmas is once per year and we only see my nephew on Christmas. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling my nephew of the shipping issues the other day and today he asked if the package arrived. I completely understand why he would be bummed if there was no gift for him under the tree. My husband does not understand the big deal of not having a gift under the tree.

As I relayed this story to my sister, I wondered out loud if my husband was raised by monkeys and that I had married one. He's lovable and laid back and always happy -- a monkey (no he doesn't smell or do the other things that monkeys do) however, the fact remains, he's a monkey. I married a monkey.

I later shared this revelation with my hubby and his comment was "I have a tag that reads LMB's Monkey". A statement only a monkey would say.

My sister suggested I needed more champagne. She might be right.