Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Neighbors...

Tuesday, July 7, 2009.....

I just found out that my soon to be ex-neighbor is marketing himself off as a life coach claiming that Positive Psychology and boundless energy will focus one's spirit breaking thorough old barriers and behaviors that didn't work.

OMG.....

He's so full of shit.

For years, I have lived next door to him and his wife, but with their upcoming divorce he has moved out and the house is on the market.

Before he makes these claims, he needs to re-examine his behaviors and change them. Although I find both pleasant, I don't trust either one and they have given a new meaning to the term bad neighbor.

Here are some examples of why I wouldn't trust this man to redirect my life:

- I would never use neighbor's lawn mower, tools or equipment without asking first. If I continually used them, I would offer to have them sharpened since I would be the *A* hole that ruined them while neighbor was hospitalized and recuperating from multiple surgeries.

- If my neighbor took care of my son for weeks at a time and I claimed I would provide the labor to replace neighbor's front door, I'd do it. Not 1/2 ass it.

- I would never tell my party guests to use my neighbor's yard as a public urinal or ashtray because I don't like people smoking in my yard (p.s. neighbor doesn't smoke or pee in her yard either).

- I would not ask neighbor if tree bordering property can be taken down and then go into the middle of neighbor's yard when neighbor is gone and pull down a tree that bothers me because I am undergoing some treatment for some psych disorder.

- I would not steal my neighbor's shopvac and keep in garage for neighbor to discover when she has just returned from a 7 day hospital stay & surgery. Only reason neighbor noticed or cared is that neighbor's sister lent her the shopvac and wanted it back.

There are so many other things that lead me to believe he needs the life coach and should not be giving any advice EVER.

However, if you want to learn how to be a complete DICK of a neighbor let me know. I imagine he's available and would give great guidance.

18 comments:

edder said...

"...if you want to learn how to be a complete DICK..."

hahahahahaha....whoa. Sorry for your troubles, pal.

Children of the 90s said...

That is sort of crazy. What exactly qualifies someone to be a life coach? He definitely does not sound like someone I'd like having so much say over my life.

otin said...

Sounds like the neighbor from hell! LOL!

Brunch at Saks said...

Oh my goodness- I am laughing out loud over here! What a psycho he (and his wife/ex) sound like! I've never heard of these "life coaches" until recently, but I was just telling my boyfriend the other day that they seem a little sketchy! I guess anyone can become one (which was my concern) after reading about your lovely little neighbor! Ha!

Such a great post! :) XOXO

kk said...

I think your neighbor is related to my dumb-ass neighbors.

Jewels Diva said...

Some people are just born knobs!

The Peach Tart said...

I am a life coach in Atlanta and think his behavior is totally narcisstic and incredibly disrespectful of your boundaries.

Unfortunately lots of people call themselves life coaches who are not trained or emotionally mature enough to actually guide and assist others. He appears to be only interested in his wants and needs.

Sorry...he gives the good ones of us a bad reputation, not that I'm not totally whacked in my own way. That's why I blog.

LiLu said...

Some people are just special.

And they should be LABELED as such and their interactions with humanity should, of course, be regulated.

Missy said...

Do you live in Topaz Court? I think I live on the other side of the Dick! LOL

Tasha said...

How very odd... and this person is a life coach?! Very scary! Hilarious post even though it's awful that you have to live next to someone like that!

simple girl said...

Wow. It'd be interesting to see if anyone actually took him serious as a life coach.

Life, Love And Lola said...

This post makes me realize how lucky I am to have great neighbors!! Well at least on one side of me.

miss rambles said...

wow!

wot a dick!

u jst mad me so grateful for my neighbours

and doesn't your own life have to be pretty good and be filled with positivity to be a successful life coach?

Heckety said...

That is just incredible! My neighbour is a horse, yes really! I've no complaints!

Griz said...

Hi, I don't think we have met, but I believe we share the same D-bag neighbor! He rivals my SIL's ex BF who wanted to be a marriage councilor...(divorced 4 times, he should be an expert no?)

Little Ms Blogger said...

edder: thanks - they'll soon be gone!

Children of the 90's: Usually an accredited program, but he gets paid by the minute like a live psychic.

Otin: Oh, he's from somewhere alright....

Brunch@Saks: Some are real and worthwhile, others are scary.

kk: well, we both live in CT.

Jewels Diva: Very true!

The Peach Tart - Oh, he also markets himself out as a financial advisor with no credentials.

LiLu: Funny thing, if you met him, you'd probably like him for the 1st hour then the beer buzz would wear off. :-)

Missy: No I don't but I promise not to send another idiot to you.

Tasha: Oh, I couldn't stop laughing.

Simple Girl: Actually, I'd be scared for the person

Life, Love & Lola - Be thankful. I'm hoping the eventual new ones will be better.

Miss Rambles: Well, maybe he thinks his is...

Heckety: I'd trade the smell of your neighbor for mine.

Griz: OMG A marriage counselor? Now, that is funny...

Optimistic Pessimist said...

just getting caught up...i've been so absent lately..sorry.

Ugghh definitely not someone I would want to take advice from. Why is it the people who charge for advice are usually the most screwed up of all?

Helen McGinn said...

I kinda think these issues are a pre-requisite of most life coaches! x